Love or Hate? The monster in between.

When is it love?

One can meet with true love at any time and in just about any sphere, you name it. From the most random, casual, to the more arranged, corporate meetings, love can show up, staring you in the face and just beckoning on you to see it.

Now, judging the faces could be exasperating as the expression of love is multi-faceted. Given our different shapes, it could be anything from warm hugs and touches to outings or helping around with little daily tasks, not to mention alone time in immersed conversations or giving of gifts and more affirming statements.

Reaching out actively with what makes another smile and feel loved while enjoying the moment with them is about the most visible expression of love.

On another side is acting consistently in the best interest of the one you love with almost no direct communication. Some not-really-expressive persons lean on this arm to communicate love. Some others take this stance for different reasons. They don’t say or do anything upfront but they’ve got your back. You would know it if you observe.

However, like the flip side of the coin, it isn’t visible at first glance. Often time, without being accompanied by direct expressions of emotional love, it can be completely overlooked. Got a friend who expresses love this way?

How about the naughties?

I love to think of this category as a naughty expression of love. They get on your nerves as the best form of getting into your space, and often time, just to watch you fuss or flare which is amusingly pleasing to them. They could just come directly, you know. But then, they wouldn’t be naughties if they did.

For these persons, you would probably read “hate” in their actions. And if you are not careful, you will be hating them right back. Not surprising, these guys have got your back. At this, they are hopelessly romantic.

But what isn’t love?

I find this hard to decipher when drawn away by their charms. The totem pole lovers I like to call them for their love is flaky as snow. They love with the tide and cozy up on emotions. A little hug here, a lavish ride there, but it’s all to one end – their emotional gratification, not necessarily yours.

So they may be present in the moment but unavailable the bulk of the time. And in your absence, they hold up just well. I guess more scary is that you believe they’ve got your back until situations prove otherwise.

And the problem with indifference is they do not know exactly what it is they feel towards you or fail to acknowledge it. So, they ride with you on a farce and then abscond suddenly or drop flat and bailout.

This doesn’t mean they are bad persons for the sobering meaning of the word “bad”. I like to think of this as insincerity – denial of true feeling both to oneself and then the next person.

So what can you do about that?

Fight back or hold out in resentment? Whatever option you chose will be predicated on many factors. But most important is the identification of your emotional needs at this time. While there may be more surface needs for redress, revenge, or plain pacification, you need love – emotional love that is both shared and received – and this love is not demanded, it is given freely.

So if you notice a person is incapable of giving it to you, it’s wise to let go. Yes, it will hurt but this is worse – holding on. To what exactly? Ever asked yourself that question? You’ll only keep demanding from someone what he or she cannot give. You’d put such one on pressure and hurt yourself all the more.

The most selfish thing you can do (because you are doing it for you) is to nurture love enough in your heart to let them go. Then can you heal and there will room for true love to come to you – a love that heals and erase scars such that past hurts become of no significance.

So what can we say? Indifference, the real monster that hurts and not hate?

Hatred, where it does exist is not as hard to identify. It will give off response because a lot of emotions are involved, however negative. Indifference on the other hand is often masked. Emotionless in its tracks, it often leaves no response.

How does one describe such pain? Sufficient to rend the strongest heart I’d say. But worthy of note is if It doesn’t break you, it will make you every with stronger.

Ever experienced this before? How did you deal with it? Comment down below.