Dealing With Rejection? Here’s A Story.
There was a man who once lived in the middle east. A fugitive from his father’s house, he came seeking shelter and settled there. Afterward, he married two women born of the same parents. And he loved the second wife to the hurt of the first.
She was the cynosure of his eyes. Undoubtedly, she had his full attention. While she freely existed in his space, the first wife begged to be noticed. She used all she had to get her husband’s attention.
As fate would smile on her, she was the one with children. She conceived as frequently as she met her husband with hopes to win his heart by the children she bore for him. On an occasion, she had to bid for bedtime with him, away from the second wife. And some more children were added to the brood.
By the end of her life, she had borne him seven children directly and two by her maid (In those days, it was a practice to give maids in bed to the husbands as approved by the Lady of the house.) Against this achievement, the second wife only had two children of herself and two by her maid. Still, it never did reconcile the heart of the husband to the first wife, not even after the death of the second wife.
Remember this ancient bible story? The progeny of Isreal, the household of Jacob, and the hidden pain of Leah.
Thinking in abstraction, she didn’t need to have that number of children. Each of them was a fight for love and attention that wasn’t met. But on a close look, the act itself portrays a typical pattern that plays out in rejection scenes.
Have you ever been told off before?
Rejection could be so disorienting particularly in close family or romantic relationships where it wasn’t preempted. Often time, an emotional response is to imagine that perhaps, if you did more good stuff, loved the other person some more, or allowed them get their way, they would come around to love and accept you the way you want.
However, if you’ve been there, you’d know it doesn’t work that way. Asides from business settings where you need to market products or services until people can see the value and accept them in exchange for money, love relationships accept people on a more humane basis that is relative. It is not based on bid – a reason manipulation does not work.
So what do you when faced with rejection in this setting?
I believe so much in sticking with reality even it sucks. I find that self-denial hurt twice more than reality would.
A personal experience; I had once been involved with someone in a sort of undefined relationship for almost two years which if I had been sincere to myself, it ended six months into the affair. Now, I wonder what I had been doing the remaining eighteen months. Trying to make it work, of course. The best part is it still ended. You can bet facing reality was a world more difficult after almost two years than it would have been at six months.
“You better not deny it” is the first thing I’d say to anyone going through this or any unpleasing circumstance you’d rather not deal with. Denial is cheap and easy. But it doesn’t erase reality. And that you will face someday. You can only delay that day. On the other hand, recognizing it is the first step to healing.
But after acknowledging it, what next?
I’d have to say here that the journey is a bit different for everyone. What I share below is just my experience. I believe the next person’s will be different. And the next in the same regard. But it comes down to one thing – recognizing the truth that you are loved by one Supreme regardless of the rejection you may be faced with.
This was the journey for me…
Coming to accept the truth of what I was faced with, I broke down inside. It was too much to deal with at the time because for one, I tried to wrap my head around how I had gotten to that point. I used to be very strong, determined, and self-willed. And I was in charge of situations not the other way round. However this time, I was obviously under.
Then I had been lied to. I found it hard to come to terms with that. I didn’t think anyone would lie to me because I wouldn’t do it. And so, I was gullible enough to believe everything I was told wholeheartedly.
Also, I was working with many wrong beliefs at the time that kept me going; I believed that if I did all the right things, didn’t give up easily, and looked for solutions to the problem just like I would any other issue, it would just work.
Don’t give up! Ever heard the lines?
Howbeit, at the end of all my strategies and creativity, and compromise to make it work, I was exhausted. To sum it up, I was tired, I was hurt and I was weakened by a sort of fear that came from facing something I could not deal with for the first time in my life. And to top it up, I didn’t know what to do or where to go from there.
So, my room became my solace and the Bible became my friend. Alone, in my room, I could cry freely without being seen. Then when I was done, I’d just read my Bible, perhaps looking for new information.
In the course of this, I got many call-out scriptures, coming in trickles and in a pattern that made it obvious someone was speaking to me.
First, it was Proverbs 23:26 which was a call to give my heart; love, affection, and attention to God. This was puzzling because I was hurt, couldn’t love anything or anyone, and definitely couldn’t trust either.
Knowing that I was dealing with trust issues, He gave me a picture in Psalm 89:20-35 with a signature note that He would never lie to me.
In this picture, I was somewhat awed at the God of the Universe pledging allegiance to a mortal. I wondered what he did to earn it and I got interested until I realized He was making the same pledge to me.
At this, I was broken, but not willing to trust still.
Yet, He kept giving me Proverbs 23:26 until I understood what He was asking for – the same love, affection, and attention that was rejected – my heart. And it did not matter that it was in a bad shape. He wanted it all the same. It was overwhelming, to say the least.
It was love in its purest form. It wasn’t anything that I did. It wasn’t anything pretty to have offered – a broken and tired heart. It was just love given and given over. And soon, I was on my way to wholeness, leaning every step of the way.
Now, this is just one experience. There have been others where I’ve had to face rejection, however, subtle.
In all situations, I’ve found that God is able to be everything and anything for me. When I take it to him, He helps me see that I am loved and accepted in every way and at every time.
This completely dispels any hurt that may come with rejection. And I’m freed to go be anything, do anything He bids me do.
The story so far…
What has it been for you? Care to share? Comment down below; your experiences of rejection and how you dealt with it.
See also, The Battle Within
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Quite inspiring and encouraging! Thanks so kindly Dr. Elendu. I’m grateful.